Experience and Lost Thoughts : The Wuhan Chapter

I fed you me, laid myself down, I let it all go. Piece by piece,  I sawed away chunks of me, to you.  I let my flesh fall, for you to see more;  with your hands, I begged you to fearlessly tear into this raw, this deep, this me. Paper thin, I sliced me down to size, to zero, for in your eyes, I was large. Then I ground myself up into dust,  so you could drink, these aches, I set aside for you,  with every sip, I thought, now we are becoming, this is us.

Well here goes retrospect when a man gets into your soul, there is no looking back, like tossing, turning, feinding for that wildn out, like staring at the clock, when the work is piling up, like waiting on that text, getting pinned up against the wall, well tossed, wide open, eyes rolled back, the money is low, happy? you stay close eyed, wrapped in dark limbs, making sacrifices. When a man gets into your soul the other woman comes out, the misery starts like watching pages, checking messages reading micro expressions just to be sure, praying... With the sole all gone, here you go rocking in circles, screeching for whys, all these sacrifices, have you looking crazy, like the stink from this hangover, you got to clean up, you got to shake the fuckery, show up with different strokes, you got to live, and make better sacrifices.

Sometimes she grows a pair, shades skin glows evolves Most of the times she is left behind sparring old hurts wondering why...

Your words burn just as the heavens scorch the earth I am left with scabs full wells of salt where the tears fell.

Can I breathe? Are you present? Can you relate? How much longer can you wait? I can go! You have to release... I can't stay, You too must go We have to go somewhere... You, just can't stay here anymore.

My delicate love, you don't know how it is to be close to you My fragile peace, I know. For you could be chaos, kettle black in your charm, I am saturated. My puppe, You walk my dreams, You don't know how it is to love you Even with angry eyes behind us, their wagging tongues their threats to my freedom in your abandon, I live I am drawn.

Every day I watch you glow up, afloat,          pinging,                     one life, then another, on one end to the other,                                         nature’s whisper: osmosis, a viral specter,                         moving, fast,       on beams, in flashes, with beats,                  in seconds, in days. Every day, I watch you glow up, you,     fiend come to life,                                  in numbers,                                               ...

The elderly lady in red suede pajamas, battles the rungs to the roof, she hangs, blankets on the railing, she hangs the old shoes by their laces, my lady takes care of all there she goes, on the roof, dry the sausages, dry the meats and the duck, She must have heard the news Day 2 The lockdown is here. Ah, here he comes, the honorable street cleaner, he is such a charm, It's been a few weeks, no cars, no taxis, no visitors, but I see him. Day 14, 28, 40 from my balcony I watch, he visits the clean street, no one goes out on walks, not even the dogs, What a blessed time! no plastics to put away, no garbage to sweep, no haze to breath, parks his motor by the pavement, leans on his stead and watches his phone he dares not stir, 15 minutes or 20, It's time for a squat, next to the motor, he is small, smaller than I imagine. yellow vest, broom, mask, phone, see you next time. All this peering, oh look, there she is, its been a month! round face, s...

I saw walls growing like vines in a swamp, walls of iron sheets, walls of bricks, walls of bicycles to keep you out! I saw masks like shrouds, cover faces, then all bodies, mummies roaming the city hunting for food, medicine, relief. I saw despair, or was it humor? a booming online tirade of laughter, everyone in their own bubble, trying not to go outside trying to cope trying to laugh, tik, tok, tik, tok trying for 65 plus days, trying to keep laughing I saw kindness of the humankind and vileness of the wild the free at spirit, rebel fighting for the cause to spread the illness that had built the walls I saw them, on time out! Then they built bigger walls, they said we are safe now but stay inside I see hope, as soon as my fear subsides.

what that seed do implanting feeding sucking air spreading in the earth dispersing like the waters bring up more just more seeds doing the same thing just seeds reflecting what that seed do deeper it spreads the waters dry in earth, it spread change the cycle mix it up filter it out the defected seed stays in that earth it goes on same issues just reflecting what that seed do...

Dark space, Bend, contort, The 30 plus joke, The fawning, the fearing, The faking of confidence, Then, I am waiting, Waiting to petted Waiting to be cooed Waiting to be cuddled Waiting to hear... to feel. I think I know what it's like... To be the others, They are all you. and me? I fight the war, I fight the selfish war, The 'i am here' war, The  'don't you see' me war, I dance that fawning dance, I dance that acceptance dance. I hurt, I bend, I contort, I fake the confidence. You can keep the faces though! Keep the blood that runs thick, Keep that name! It's hard to wear, I am too round, ... it's hard to keep on Too bold. My eyes have seen things, ...stretched out my mind but I am just! Too wide! I can't fit! You can keep the face, I don't need it. We are all planted in the womb, We have no choice, Sprouting from matter so dark, Spiralling, loose, and out! Most covered in holy glitter, Some, gutter p...

 Set myself on fire  Let the synthetic melt  The acrylic burn  And all this fat sizzle  Set myself on fire  Cause you are a fool Set this voluptuous thigh ablaze You see this fuel  You see it get lit I will use your shirt too And the underwear I bought you Burn all this down  Cause you got me feeling unworthy  Unworthy I roll it over  No No, me, unworthy? That doesn't sound right  Look at these lips  They set you on fire  Burning and shaking  Or is it quivering  To the pleasure of my pulses  Set you on fire  Burn you Cause you a fool  I am worthy I March  I am worthy  Set you on fire  Let the flames lap up your memory  Cause mentally charred dead  I will be at peace  And above it all Beyond the sin

If only I had more to say and less to feel. If only this wasn't something hard to get over if only it wasn't sad and painful If only it was the easiest thing to do, to pick up and continue if only in losing, we could forget but we don't. We long more  For more long conversations,  Honest debates about trap music  The new world order,  We miss more,  We wish for more,  more time,  more smiles,  a lasting essence,  a link, a knowing,  and not this helplessness.  If only one last talk would do If only that is all we needed.  I will miss you, Owen, as you fly with the angels, don't forget to look back and smile, don't forget to check on me Rest in Eternal peace Owen 

A shallow mind and a deep heart can not co-exist  He rides off lip service  She toils in dreams of some sort of future Serpent long and vile  He coils her in  Licks her weak  In disregard of her  He believes his lust for her is enough                                           

I wasn't raised in a land of horses, No, where I am from  They did not have the lush for it, Where I am from  They did not have the stables  Not shoes  I did not grow up looking at mare's  Nor their fawns, not stud's  No, where I'm from They do not  Where I am from  That is a dream  A dream watched on my master's television  As my father cooked his food  Big eyes and thrilled  Weary of the car horn  And accents I hoped to have  Hoped that the private school he paid for  Would give, hope I didn't grow up in a land of plenty  No, where I am from  They didn't have savannah's nor waterfalls  We did not have hundreds of cattle  Nor did we mine for diamonds  My father, for all he's worth Sold me ideas and objectivity  As he fawned at the delicious injustice  His salary, he fawned  The white man he would say  They know where it's at Shining the glistening Peugeot  A supe...

When you swim in a sea of nervous systems, a polarity of personalities, unbalanced decisions, emotional throes, and hidden motives. When they tell you left is right to console your foe, they call a friend and it's no different.  In distrust we trust, yet so covetous to that which is a trifle, funny how labels change things. When light switches flip, just as they do, a questioned psyche, so lost in their act that you can not believe in your own. Own?!  Yes, you are your own!  Deflections made by others reflections, mirror what is not in you, their flaws are not yours.....  Thank God for God.  In You we trust!

When you love a fool Summer finds you sleeping in winter So tied up in slumber  The universe swiftly shifts The ropes break  And the heat burns  Down into your limbs Rubbery you become  Glued to the bed by  Trails of salty yelps Quietly missing the fool As he prances around  Multicolored as a strobe light  Thrusting before yours eyes His eyes jiggle and his tongue rolls  Another behind he throbs While the foolish lie Deluded by whispers On lines no one can witness When you love a fool You turn to ash As he rises 

I demand, Not ask, I seek, Yet, denied all that I find. I am not small, Neither fragile nor coy, I am in the front line, Feral protecting mine, I demand, Not ask, Only because I am mistaken, For lack of a better term… Varied genes lost in translation? Is it nurture vs. nature? That I blame your mother, The villain you have become, The father of diverse seeds planted, Embedded with psychosocial issues, Only you could control, I demand, yet, for them, I have to ask; To make peace between us I demand you stay in my bed; Stop wandering aimlessly in others, In other people’s homes, You chase the thrill of getting caught, Or is it drinking from the fountain of youth you seek? A whisper said, ‘to rejuvenate your waning ‘love’     Your mind evokes pointed breasts, As mine wave at my oblong valley below, You stray, Looking, No, I demand and not ask, That you do by me what you vowed, I expect no less. I demand and not ask, As my mother drags us thro...

You and I have something good, it's something that I hold on to, something that I can count on and rely upon, it's something that has value.  I have no flowery words to make you think of spring nor the flare to sit with goddesses. Nor as a wanderer do I want you to follow, nor change your course.  I do, I do want to watch you rise, magnify your every leap, catch the sunshine on your face and maybe one day I could make you smile, one day I would not have to wait.  Mostly, I wonder, if your past is so overwhelming that the present is on the sidelines waiting to be noticed? I wonder if you will ever be as happy with me as I am with you?  Yet, there are so many shoulders, so many chapters that you look over. So many things that are loosely knotted that in essence this latch, I have, will always be on hold.

Sitting in a hotel lobby She reads to rid the frustration Of lust unconquered Lust unappreciated  Quiet and cold  She pretends she is not there Eyes slowly peeling the page Words blurred and swirled  She concentrates harder  A couple stirs her way Agitated she looks up in a huff  Imagining where else she would rather be She doesn't deserve this shit Tick tick the old clock goes Colder the emotions get No end in sight Her eyes wander across the languid room  Ornament filled with decadence  Lost in an era of want How could this have been a great idea?